Me, Myself, and I

Me, Myself, and I by Iron Eater first appeared in issue Issue 90 in 2021.

Creator's Notes

I had two ideas when I went into this story and pretty much no clue what I’d do for a plot. The first of my guiding conceits was to design a non-human character based–extraordinarily loosely–on a particular Dark Souls 3 boss (the twin princes, for those curious), and the second was to write a story that used a lot of the same beats as most xenophile fiction, just this time with the HUMAN as the sexy alien and a sense of assumed familiarity on the part of the narrator’s audience. No need for Zinc to explain himself if the person to whom he’s speaking is either the same species he is, or at least very familiar with them! This also meant I could depict humanity from an outsider’s POV and really focus on humanity’s objectively unusual traits. I also was able to pick and choose what sensory details Zinc would notice most; if scent wasn’t so important to my Rhoanish stories it would’ve featured more than it does already, but I figured colors and patterns divorced from how we’re used to thinking of them would do the trick. Zinc is honestly a bit face-blind when it comes to humans with similar pigmentation since his own species has very samey facial features.

Zinc’s species is intentionally unnamed; the scientific classiciation Yousef mentions is derived from Geryon, the three-bodied giant of Hellenistic myth. I’m not entirely sure how he spreads one consciousness between three bodies, just that it works. His aladryy can go over a mile or so from his other bodies without trouble, whereas if he’s completely separated his awareness defaults to the ral since it contains his actual brain; the others would be essentially comatose, though capable of breathing, digesting food, etc., so it’s possible to keep a body alive and relatively healthy by hooking it up to an IV until the rest of the individual can be returned to it. If one body dies (even the ral!) this isn’t a guaranteed death sentence for the individual, though it requires a great deal of medical technology and ongoing care afterwards. Prosthetic bodies are possible but still heavily being researched.

In more mundane xenobiology news, all three of Zinc’s bodies work from the same base pool of calories, and while all of them possess organs analogous to the kidneys and liver the aladryy is best at filtration. The “chemical membranes” on his body allow nutrients and fluids to circulate from biomass to biomass; these are found on the back of the aladryy, the front of the sudai, and both sides of the ral, and it’s possible (if uncomfortable) for an aladryy to be attached to the ral’s dorsal furrow or the sudai to end up face-to-face with the ral. The “frills” he mentions frequently are arranged right along his hairline in three sets of two and loosely resemble axolotl gills, though they’re used for sensory intake instead of respiration. His tails (each body has one) all end in loose fronds of flexible tissue like parts of a tube worm; the sudai and ral both have the spine extend into theirs, while the aladryy’s tail is made from a peacock’s train of tissue usually kept wrapped around itself. The PURPOSE of these frills is to filter diatoms and other microscopic life from water sources; a “spa day” for a member of Zinc’s species often involves sharing a pool filled with enriched water with other people’s aladryys, each facing outwards from the pool with their tails unfurled to drift in the water.

I could go on, but I’d essentially be making a Zoobooks entry by then and there’s only so many hours in a day. Can you tell I had fun working with some pure sci-fi logic?

Originally I planned for this to remain a light comedy throughout. As with all plans, things evolved during the writing process. Exploring how Yousef, an inherently sexual person, would be willing to make major life changes based on what he needs in the here and now was fascinating, and I wanted to make sure he possessed sufficient agency in the plot without being the ACTUAL main character who does all the growing. He’s clever, charming, and keen on setting clear boundaries for himself while respecting others’; I wanted it to be obvious why a shy homebody like Zinc would come so far out of his shell despite a long-standing concern about humans! Yousef being able to be vulnerable with Zinc, and Zinc in turn being willing to step outside his comfort zone to offer aid to someone about whom he’d come to care, were both far more complicated concepts than I’d expected, but I think it was worth that extra investment in the end.

For every thoroughly silly fanfic conceit out there there should be at least a few attempts to take it at face value, so this is the closest I think I’ll ever come to a sex-pollen story. Hope you fans of the trope enjoy what I did with it!